This week we are diving into uncharted territory. We have our first movie feature. We are pretty sure it was all the horror movie watching we did over the past month that inspired us to do a case based off of a movie. And we feel there is nothing more classic than American Psycho. It is riddled with iconic quotes including, “So what do you do? I’m into murders and executions mostly.” which hardcore resonates with us. Every time someone asks us about what we do, all we want to say is, “Well we bake cakes based off of awful murders and try to make it funny.” It’s a surprise our work has let us bring in so many ominous baked goods like the Night Stalker’s satanic cake [sorry HR but it was damn good]. 

Enough rambling, let’s get to our main event. American Psycho.

This movie follows the life of Patrick Bateman in New York, New York in 1988. His life revolves around impressing his fiance's bougie friends even though he hates them. He has OCD to the max and goes on and on about his very disciplined routine and how expensive all his possessions and his lavish music collection [we get it patrick you're rich, tysm for reminding us how the other half lives].

In an incident of showboating with his friends to see each other’s ranks on their business cards, Patrick realizes his friend Allen is higher up than him. He gets so mad that he literally murders a homeless man after the conversation. Still mad at his coworker Allen, he invites him out to dinner but Allen totally thinks it’s a different coworker so he agrees. Allen gets wasted and Patricks successfully gets him back to his place and kills him with an axe. Anyone who has an AXE in their apartments is a red flag. Patrick knew he had to cover it up so he goes over and stages his apartment to make it look like Allen just traveled to London. 

Patrick gets the itch for killing. He gets two sex workers who he gives them names, back to his apartment. All goes as expected from the sex workers end until Patrick brings out tools to cause bodily harm to the two women. They survive but leave covered in blood. 

Then Luis comes into the picture. Luis is another coworker of Patrick and Luis just revealed a new business card and that sends Patrick into a spiral. Patrick gets him alone in the restroom of a nice restaurant in an attempt to kill him but plot twist, Luis thinks it a sexual advance and that he is in love with Patrick. Patrick couldn't handle it so he leaves without accomplishing what he wanted. 

Patrick then invited the secretary Jean over to take the anger out on her. She is greeted by Patrick and he holds a nail gun to the back of her head but before he pulls the trigger, he got a message from his fiance so he asks Jean to leave. 

A detective that is investigating Allen disappearance meet Patrick for lunch and tells him that they don't suspect him having an involvement in the disappearance of Allen. Patrick then invites Christie and Elizabeth over to Allen’s empty apartments for some jiggy jiggy and Patrick literally kills Elizabeth during the act of it. Christie gets the hell out of dodge after snooping around the apartment finding multiple female corpses. [ladies: always snoop, always]. Then the absurd happens. Patrick chases her down and she struggled to find an exit and he DROPS A CHAINSAW ON HER FROM THE TOP OF THE STAIRS. Can y’all even imagine?? RIP Christie.

Patrick then calls his fiances and breaks off the engagement. He's walking around town and goes to use an ATM, sees a cat, and then [unrealistically] the ATM says that he needs to feed it the cat. Lol WUT. When he goes to shoot the cat, a woman confronts her, so he shoots her. The police see it and start chasing Patrick. He then enters the wrong building, murdering the security guard and janitor. He finds a phone and calls his lawyer confessing to 20 to 40 murders on the answering machine. Now. We say never have anything in writing. But NEVER leave anything on an answering machine. 

The next morning, Patrick goes back to Allen’s place expecting to find the bodies but it is completely empty and for sale. When he finds the realtor, he explained that this is Allen’s property and asks Patrick to leave. Patrick goes on to meet his coworkers for lunch and Jean does some snooping around in his office and finds extremely detailed drawings of murders and bodily harm. He also kept a journal of murders, implying that the unreported murders are just in his imagination. 

Patrick sees his lawyer at the restaurant and mentions the message he left for him the night before and mistake Patrick for a different coworker and thinks the message was a joke. Patrick tries to convince him that he is who he says he is and that he did in fact kills those people he confessed to. His lawyer said it has to be false because he just had dinner with Allen in London. He returned to the table with his coworker to resume conversation about where Reagan is a harmless old man or a hidden psychopath before discussing what they are doing for dinner. The movie ends with Patrick on voice-over narrating that he with surprisingly escape the punishment he deserves. 

So going off of the title, we couldn't think of anything more American than an apple pie. So we introduce to you…

The American Psychos Timeless Apple Pie.

This recipe is inspired by Sister Pie. A lovely Detroit based pie shop who has the most magical pies. 

INGREDIENTS:

Crust:

2 ½ cups all purpose flour

1 tsp Sugar

1 tsp Salt

1 cup unsalted butter [that's two sticks for you not willing to decipher all the numbers on the side of the paper, you are our type of people]

½ cup cold COLD water with a dash of apple cider vinegar in it. hot tip: let is hang out in your fridge while you gather all the ingredients 

Filling:

10 ish apples; we love a big juicy pie so feel to go to 7ish if you want a flatter pie. this is a judgement free zone

A squeeze of a fresh lemon 

¾ cup granulated sugar

¼ cup dark brown sugar. Light is fine we just love the higher molasses content we get from the dark brown sugar.

¼ cup tapioca flour - sub cornstarch if you do not have this

¼ teaspoon cinnamon

½ teaspoon nutmeg

And a hefty pinch of salt

Alright lets bake this betch.

1. Were gonna make the crust. Combine the flour, sugar, and salt in a big bowl. We like to use a chilled metal bowl to keep it chill. Mix. 

2. Cut your super cold butter into cubes and drop in the flour mixture. 

3. Using a pastry cutter to incorporate the butter into the flour until it resembles a parmesan cheese with a few peas in there. This sounds weird but y’all will see what we're talking about when you do it. 

4. Add cold water mixture into the bowl and stir and fold until it can hold together. We don't like to put all the water in at once just in case we don't need to use it all.  You do not want your dough to be too wet. 

5. Separate into two disks, wrap with plastic and set in fridge. Forget about it for awhile or about the length of our feature film, American Psycho.

6. Time to preheat the oven to 450. It sounds burn worthy but we will explain later. 

7. Let's make the mixture now. Grab those luscious apples and peel all and then chop. We like to add the lemon juice at the bottom of  a big bowl and then peel and chop as we go, tossing it in the lemon juice to prevent browning. It all gets cooked and delicious in the end so don't sweat the browning if they brown a little.

8. Add the cinnamon, sugar, nutmeg, brown sugar, tapioca flour, and salt and mix it up good. Set aside as we get up close and personal with that crust.

9. Take one disk from your fridge and set on floured surface. Pound with rolling pin a few times [trust us] and then roll out in a circle large enough to cover the bottom of your pin tin. We like to roll half the disk on the rolling pin to help us get the disk on the pan. Set aside. 

10. Take your second disk of crust form the fridge and do the exact thing as your first but this will turn into your lattice. Now we prefer lattice because #pretty, but you really have creative freedom with this. Feel free to use a cookie cutter to cut vent hole or just slits with a knife. You can do lattice inspired by us or even thinner with braids mixed in. and because we are extra we did lattice, braids, leaves, and major crimping ont he edges. It might be our fav pie to date. 

11. Time to assemble. Pour in your mixture into pie tin on top of the bottom crust making sure to spread evenly and push down on the apples a little bit to make sure they are in there good but don’t push too hard because your bottom crust will get punctured from the apples. 

12. Layer on your top crust, lattice or not, making sure the top crust covers the bottom crust for ½” over lap.  

13. You will want to tuck under the overlap on the edges to create the best part of the pie crust. Create a crimp using your fingers or a fork [youtube is a great source of how-tos for this]. We use our fingers because we love big crimps and cannot lie. 

14. Brush your pie with egg wash lightly and sprinkle turbinado sugar evenly all over crust. #crunchy

 15. Set your pie onto a parchment lined baking sheet and set in lower rack of oven. Your pie will cook for 20 minutes at the 450 temperature and then you will lower the oven temperature to 350 for another 50 minutes. Your pie will be done when you its bubbly and the crust is golden brown. ENJOY!

remember!

Stay Inside. Bake a pie. and dont get murdered.